So-Called Chaos

Eight Easy Steps

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solvable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you

How to keep people at arms length and never get to close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless so fast you're helping someone

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looka when taught by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all highest when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you're a prayer and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fear of success

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been trading my whole life for this moment, I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well versed leader before you

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb out aholic to avoid going with them
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

So-Called Chaos

Deadlines and meetings and contracts all breached
D-days and structure responsibility

Have-to's and need-to's and get-to's by three
Eleventh hours and upset employees

I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations
At the shoes upon my feet

Heartburn and headaches and soon-to-be ulcers
Compulsive yearnings non-stop to please others

I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations
With the shoes upon my feet

All wont be lost if I'm governed by my own innaneness
Stop lights won't work I'll get home sound and safe regardless
Won't deem me had if I'm led by my own rulelessness
My fire wont quell and I'll be harm-free and distressless
Trust me

Line towing, and helping, expectations up to living
Inside box obeying, inside line cutting

I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all my limitations at the shoes upon my feet
I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations and return to what I was want to be

Out is Through

Every time you raise your voice
I see the greener grass
Every time you run for cover
I see this pasture
Every time we're in a funk
I picture a different choice
Any time we're in a rut
This distant grandeur

My tendency to want to do away feels natural and
My urgency to dream of softer places feels understandable

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

Every time that I'm confused
I think there must be easier ways
Every time our horns are locked I'm towel throwing
Every time we're at a loss, we've bolted from difficulty
Anytime we're in stale mate a final bowing

My tendency to want to hide away feels easier and
The immediacy of picturing another place is comforting to go

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

We could just walk away and hide our heads in the sand
We could just call it quits, only to start over again
With somebody else

Every time we're stuck in struggle, I'm down for the count that day
Every time I dream of quick fix I'm assuaged
Now I know it's hard when it's through
And I'm damned if I don't know a quick fix way
What formerly was treatment silence now outdated

My tendency to want to run feels unnatural now
The urgency to want to give to you what I want most feels good

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll get better
The only way out is through ultimately

Not All Me

I'd rather face all on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen
For your blindly fueled rage
I bare the brunt of your long buried pain
I don't mind helping you out
But I want you to remember my name

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on

Past riddled rage
I see the buttons I engage
With my dignity in place
I'm all too happy to assuage

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on

Lest I find my voice
Find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I state my limit
And take on only what is mine to

We are a team
I'm here to help mend and rescind
All I trigger unknowingly
A job I hold in high esteem

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on
I'll only take some of it

Excuses

Why no one will help me
I am too dumb I'm too smart
They'll not understand me
I am lonely
They'll hate me
There is not enough time
It's too hard to help me
God wants me to work
No resting no lazy

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell

I'm too far from home
It takes far too much energy
And I cannot afford to
No one will ever see me

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked inside my cell

These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me small
They've kept me safe inside my shell

Bringing these into the light
Shakes their foundation
And it clears my side
Now my imagination
Is the only thing that limits
The bar that has rised to the heights

No one can have it all see
I have to they want me to
And I can't let them down
I will never be happy

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell

These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me small
They've kept me safe inside my shell

This Grudge

Fourteen years
Thirty minutes
Fifteen seconds I've
Held this grudge

Eleven songs
Four full journals
Thoughts of punishment
I've expended

Not in contact
Not a letter
Such communication
Telepathic
You've been vilified
Used as fodder
You deserve a piece
Of every record

But who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?
Who's it torturing now
With an antique knot in her stomach?

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
All this time I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

Like an abandoned house
Dusty covered
Furniture
Still intact
If I visit it now
Do I simply re-live it
Somehow gratuitous

But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?
Who is it weighing down
With no gift from time of said healing

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
All this time I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

Maybe as I cut the cord
Veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
Dead weight off my shoulders will rise

Here I sit
Much determined
Ever ill-equipped
To draw this curtain
How this has entertained
Validated
And has served me greatly
Ever the victim

But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down
This load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us.

I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us.

Doth I Protest Too Much

I'm not threatened, by every pair of legs you watch go by
I don't cringe when you stare at women,
It's just a thing called guy
I don't notice your sideways glances or where your loyalty lies
I'm secure and out of me, it's hard to get a rise

I'm not jealous
I don't get moved by much
I'm not enraged
Not insecure as such
Not going insane
Rational stays in touch
And doth I protest too much?

I'm not tortured by how oft your busy,
Cause I've got things to do
I'm not disappointed about how you don't miss you me,
Cause I don't need you too

I'm not needy
I don't get clingy much
I am not scared
I'm not afraid as such
I'm not dependent
Rock solid, stays in touch
And doth I protest too much?

So much energy to prove to you
Who I can't possibly be
So much energy to prove to you
I am not who you hate for me to be

I'm not saddened
And I don't miss you
Cause I have moved on too
I'm not concerned about your new lover
Cause I've a new lover too

I'm not depressed
I don't get down that much
I'm not despondent
I am not dark as such
I'm never sad
Keep chin up, stays in touch
And doth I protest too much?

I'm not jealous
I don't get moved by much
I'm not enraged
Not insecure as such
Not going insane
Rational stays in touch
And doth I protest too much?

Spineless

I won't see my dear friends as much
Male friends especially, I'll no longer be in touch
I'll change my hobbies to match yours
I'll stop reading my favorite books
I won't spend all this selfish time alone
I'll cater to you and hang on your every word

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinionless and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I'll re-define self-sacrifice
Live my life as apologetic compromise
I know you'll leave if I rock the boat

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinionless and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I feel this, truly proclaimed will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will
Ensure that I won't forget myself so easily

I'll be low maintenance and agreeable
I will not talk about my dreams so much
I'll listen to you for hours, won't need anything

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinionless and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinionless and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I feel this, truly proclaimed will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will
Ensure that I won't forget myself

I feel this, truly proclaimed will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will
Ensure that I won't forget myself so easily

Knees of My Bees

We share a culture same vernacular
Love of physical humor and time spent alone
You with your penchant for spontaneous advents
For sticky and raspy, unearthed and then gone

You are a gift renaissance with a wink
With tendencies for conversations that raise bars
You are a sage who is fueled by compassion
Comes to nooks and crannies, is bound for all stars

You make the knees of my bees weak, tremble and buckle
You make the knees of my bees weak

You are a spirit that knows of no limit
Who knows of no ceiling who baulks at dead-ends
You are a wordsmith who cares for his brothers
Not seduced by illusion or fair-weather friends

You make the knees of my bees weak, tremble and buckle
You make the knees of my bees weak

You are a vision who lives by the signals of
Stomach and intuition as your guide
You are a sliver of God on a platter
Who walks what he talks and who cops when he's lied

You make the knees of my bees weak, tremble and buckle
You make the knees of my bees weak
You make the knees of my bees weak, tremble and buckle
You make the knees of my bees weak

Everything

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone who's as negative as I am sometimes

I'm the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone who's as positive as I am sometimes

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting you
And you've never met anyone who's as closed down as I am sometimes

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
You see everything
You see every part
And you're still here
You see all my light
And you love my dark
And you're still here
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
And you're still here
There's not anything
To which you can't relate
And you're still here

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